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Ask a Therapist: That which has been forgotten
by John Waterbury
Apr 20, 2011 | 3980 views | 0 0 comments | 25 25 recommendations | email to a friend | print
By John Waterbury, LPC
By John Waterbury, LPC
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When it comes to marriage, if we focus on what’s right in the relationship, we’ll find the energy to manage what’s wrong.

But when we concentrate on what’s wrong, it becomes almost impossible to appreciate what’s right.

We need to remember that there are many parts to the person we love, and we married all of them — not just the ones that were advertised!

To paraphrase a quote by Winston Churchill, “It is not enough to simply do our best. Sometimes we have to do what’s necessary.”

And when applied to marriage, “doing what’s necessary” means going beyond ourselves. It means committing ourselves to the higher road. It means continuing to fall back in love with each other every time we fall out of love.

It means accepting all the parts of our partner, not just the ones we like. It means continuing to dream together, and committing to each other to make the dreams come true.

“Doing what’s necessary” means to design life, rather than simply casting our fate to the wind.

As we develop greater emotional maturity in ourselves, we become more centered, more balanced, and more accepting in our marriage. We make fewer demands on others, and we develop an ability to rise above our own concerns.

As others sense this, they will be drawn to us, and our relationships will develop greater depth and substance. This is a process of learning to love. And while it doesn’t require us to be more than we are, it does require us to be more of who we are.

Unfortunately, with all the challenges in life, sometimes it’s hard to remember who we are. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the covenants that were made. At times like this, we need to be reminded of that which has been forgotten.
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